Year One

Lesson One: Sleep Lighter

Let your spouse know you are not “fine” with them otherwise, you will keep a grudge and realise you were on your own the whole time! There was one night I was so upset, I don’t remember what I was upset about even though its not been 3 months yet. That shows you how trivial some things are. I was steaming the whole night. I could barely sleep and was wondering whether I should wake Kojo up for a face off. I woke up with a frown and had a long face. Then I could not take it any longer and decided to confront Kojo. He was totally baffled. He thought we were cool. He did not have any idea that I was giving him the cold attitude and that I had a fight with him. For him, it was a really good day because I let him have his piece of mind to watch his series. To think that I had spent the whole night and morning steaming when the person I was beefing with was not even aware, was downright hilarious. I could have got whatever was worrying me off my chest and slept a lot lighter.

Lesson Two: Have a life!

This point has been hammered countless of times. When we got married, Kojo had to leave for school 3 weeks after. He took a 5 week break to travel down to get married. He had been away for almost a year prior to that. I had just turned in my Master’s thesis the week to our wedding. The two months before the wedding was so tiring I thought I was going to faint at some point. I felt I needed a long break before starting any research project again. I told my supervisor October was good to start a 6 months research project she wanted me to embark on. After Kojo left, I slept a lot and then took driving lessons. After, boredom began to set in. Imagine I did not love reading or did not know how to keep myself busy or did not love watching movies because as it turned out, the research project could not come off and I did not have anything doing for 6 months prior to joining my husband in Hong Kong. The time difference did not also help.

Here in Hong Kong, I start school in September and I still have a lot of time on my hands whilst Kojo is in school. As you may well know, a PhD requires rigorous long hours so I am usually left to my own devices. In that time, I learn to cook new recipes, volunteer teaching English to refugee kids and also discover the city. I enjoy sleeping too and sometimes I do just that. I do a lot of outdoorsy activities on my own and with new friends I have made here because Kojo is not the outdoorsy adventurous type. He will gladly introduce me to friends who like to hike and do fun stuff so they can take me away so he can have time to watch his 1001 tv shows (Gotham, Prison Break, Flash, Super girl, Blacklist,  Power, House of Cards, Shameless, Game of Thrones, Suits,  and numerous podcasts). The one I find most annoying is the 85 South Show. I am beginning to like Donkey of the Day from the Breakfast Club. He is recently re-watching 24. Smh

NB: Kojo says I should remove Power and GOT for obvious reasons but I no dey see am sef.

I still don’t understand why he likes to re-watch movies. The week after we saw Furious 8, he suggested we watch the bootlegged copy when he found it less than a week after. Really?

Having a life of your own is so important. You might have activities you do together but you must have some of yours too. It is a nice way to occupy one’s self when husbands are having their man time whether playing games or watching some movies you might not be interested in. Otherwise, you might feel resentful he is having a good time whilst you have nothing to do.

Lesson 3: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Just let it go.

I am really trying with this part. Kojo and I are both similar and dissimilar in a lot of ways. I am a talkative. Kojo might indulge you from time to time. I used to get annoyed that Kojo would only talk when he wants to make conversation and would be watching one of his series when I want to talk. I have learnt to live with the fact that I will not be able to have conversations as and when I want it. If I really want to talk, I have Maxima or Tawa or Adwoa or Sister.

That segues into the last one, having good friends is the best thing that can happen to anyone whether married or not. Folks you will not talk to in ages but you can call them and you go on for hours. You can bitch and be free. They are priceless.

I really meant to stop at the last paragraph but I just remembered this one.

Bonus: Have devotion together

The one way I get to cast insinuations and make my point is usually during devotion. There is always a way to tie in whatever I want to relay during the discussion time and Kojo is usually at his utmost best so it works just fine for me.

The one thing I have learnt is that things may not be perfect, there are all those annoying times when you want to strangle your spouse and there are all those great little moments and big moments.Those are the ones I choose to focus on. In all, remember to make God the third cord always.

See ya next year!